Give yourself time to think
Speaking with a friend of mine - well, texting, since we’re not used to speaking that much anymore (unlucky) - I was asked “how are you?”. I didn’t know what to answer.
I was ashamed by that question because I knew he wanted a real answer rather than “fine”.
I found myself terribly speechless, I had so much going on I didn’t know how I was feeling and honestly I guess I didn’t want to elaborate it.
“I don’t know, I try not to think about it.”
As I texted back I started to examine all the emotions I apparently had flown over during the amazing Fashion Week whose doors I had just closed behind me.
Thrill. Chaos. Innovation. Invitations. - not emotions, those lasts btw.
The feeling of being in the right place at the right time and then suddently the opposite and regretting being there.
Wanderlust. Grandeur. But here after the littleness of my human being, the little relevance of my voice with whom I’d like to tell stories forever.
Loudness of voices who don’t listen to each other, fear for that.
Do not forget where you come from - fair.
Fear for future, dread for the present and regret for the past - is it worth it?
It reminds me of Anish Kapoor’s world's blackest black: a simple colour which can enclose countless feelings, and you, in front of it, face to face with yours trying to find nor answers or statements but just a sign you’re still one of a kind.
It’s been too much since the last time I cried in front of an artwork - I guess it was in August, Malaga, Centre Pompidou.
Are we all trying not to think about our emotions and feelings in favour of living our best life?
I am. I don’t like it. I’d like to think a lot, to meditate on me, selfishly on myself. My PT always tells me to do a 10 minute meditation session in the morning but I think I’ve been underestimating it during this year. Right now I feel like I’ve wasted so many opportunities and chances to experience feelings for I unconsciously was aware I should have metabolised too much.
Are we really so busy thinking about ourselves? May this not be a real “art and design” article but, honestly, I believe we all deserve a 5 minute brief reading which reminds us that posing our “to do” lists for a while in favour of a self analysis is fine. It is fine. Full stop.
I love art that much because when you are looking at it you can take your time to observe every detail, to understand each shade of blue, each brushstroke; and I love the “I feel the vibe under my skin” feeling. And for the same reason I love that loud music beat when at the disco you can’t hear anything else but the sound since it’s here you can really listen to yourself.
Just like a rest between sets, il faut to rest a while in order to give our best for the next spots.
So let’s look at that black canvas of our lives for 10 seconds: no rush, no glory, no pain, just introspection.
I was very glad for that friend of mine's simple question, even if it opened a full emotional breakdown. I texted back “what about you?”.
The answer: “I don’t know. I think very much about it but I can’t find an answer”.
Always choose friends whom share mental disease with.